A 1189 Day Journey Through the Bible

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 30: David and his men (I guess he still has men even though he was fired) arrived at Ziklag to find that the Amalekites had raided and burned the town, and taken some women and children - including David’s wives. David and his men move along, in search of the men who sacked the city.  They find an Egyptian slave and bring him to David, where he admits to burning Ziklag.  David asks him to bring him to the raiding party, and the slave says as long as David doesn’t kill him or give him back to his master. David gets back all of the stuff from Ziklag, including his wives. David has six hundred men total, four hundred who went down with him and two hundred that stayed with the supplies.  Some of the bitter dudes didn’t want to share with the guys who watched the supplies, but David made sure they all were compensated equally. He also send the plunder out to a few other people that he liked. 

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 29: Okay so David has been on the side of the Philistines, but he’s an Israelite.  The powers that be aren’t thrilled with this, and tell Achish to essentially fire David.  So he does, reluctantly.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 28: The Philistines rallied their troops to fight against the Israelites, and Achish reminds David that he will be fighting for him.  David obliges. We are told that Saul has eliminated all of the mediums and spiritualists from the land.  Not exactly sure what that means in the historical context.  People who did magic I guess? The armies assemble and Saul is afraid of the Philistines.  He tried to talk to God, but was ignored.  So he asked people to find a woman medium for him.  Probably wishing he didn't remove all of them. He goes undercover to talk to the woman and asks her to help.  She is hesitant because she knows that Saul has wiped out all the mediums.  He assures her that she will not be harmed. So Saul tells her to bring Samuel back to life, so she does.  He comes up out of the ground.  Okay.  Oh and she finds out that it is Saul in disguise but she raises Sam...

I am writing from 10C on Alaska flight 745 from Atlanta to Seattle. 1 Samuel 27: David thinks to himself that Saul will kill him one day, and that he needs to retreat to where the Philistines are.  I guess Saul won’t look that far. Sure as shit, David went to Gath, Saul caught wind of this and gave up looking. David asks the king of Gath (Achish) if he can have some land in the country, rather than city center.  Achish obliged. David raided a few cities and killed all the people there.  And he took their livestock and clothes.  Classy.  He did this a lot. David was apparently obnoxious to the Israelites, so this helped Achish feel confident that he would remain a servant of Gath.

I am writing from 10C on Alaska flight 745 from Atlanta to Seattle. 1 Samuel 26: Saul takes three thousand troops on goes on the hunt for David. David gets wind of this, so him and Abishai sneak down to the camp where Saul is while he’s asleep. Abishai asks David if he can off Saul.  David doesn’t let that happen, basically because Saul is announced by God, but they do steal some water and Saul’s spear. Apparently no one woke up because God put them in a deep sleep lol okay. Then David tries to pull a fast one on Abner, who apparently was supposed to be making sure no one messed with Saul.  So David says he and his men must die since they didn’t protect Saul, pointing out that his water and spear are gone.  Smooth. Saul tells David he won’t try to harm him again.  Then David gives Saul the “king’s spear.”   So is this Saul’s spear? David tells Saul that he could’ve killed him but chose not too.  So this was a power m...

I am writing from Laura’s parents’ home in Mobile, AL. 1 Samuel 25: Well, Samuel died. David comes upon this wealthy man named Nabal who had a hot and smart wife named Abigail.  Nabal isn’t down to help out David’s crew with supplies, so they tell Abigail. She decided to help. She later told Nabal and he had what appears to be a heart attack, then God killed him ten days later. Then David married Abigail and some other chick.

I am writing from Laura’s parents’ home in Mobile, AL. 1 Samuel 24: Saul takes three thousand men and sets out to find David. Why is Saul so pissed at David anyway?  Is this even justified? Saul goes into a cave to use the bathroom and for some reason David is there, and David cuts off part of Saul’s robe. David felt really bad about this, and therefore did not attack Saul.  Then David greeted Saul outside of the cave and reminded him that he is the king and that he will not harm him.  It was a lengthy speech. Saul wept when he realized David was there.  And promised Saul wouldn’t kill his descendants.