A 1189 Day Journey Through the Bible

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. Numbers 28: Offerings.  Passover. Festival. Same stuff. Lots of uninteresting details.

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. Numbers 27: So these daughters asked Moses for some property since their dad died in the wilderness and they had no brothers. Moses asked God and God confirmed that they indeed should get some property.  Then God explains how inheritance should work. Next, it’s time for Moses to pass the torch; and he does so to Joshua. I reckon he will do all the Moses things now.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 26: After the plague, God wanted a head count of all the guys over 20. Then there’s a big list of people that you can read if you want.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 25: So we've got a bit of a scene change and we aren't talking about Balaam anymore. The Israelites are staying in Shittim (yes) and were fooling around with Moabite women.  The women invited these dudes to make sacrifices to their gods. The Lord wasn't so fond of this, so he told Moses to execute the leaders of those guys. An Israelite man showed up with a Midianite woman.  Aaron's grandson Phinehas grabbed a spear and killed them both. The plague against the Israelites was stopped.  Death total was 24,000. God tells Moses to treat the "Midianites as enemies and kill them." #loveyourenemies #mercy #grace

I am writing from the Mearhoff home in Santa Monica, CA. Numbers 24: Balaam speaks out his third message, essentially just a rally cry for Israel.  Balak gets angry because he wanted Balaam to curse his enemies, so he tells him to leave.  Balaam reminded him that he’s merely doing whatever God asks of him.  In his fourth message he says that a star will rise out of Israel.  Now before you get excited and think he’s talking about Jesus, this person he’s speaking of is supposed to crush skulls and slaughter people.  The fifth message says that the end of Amalek will be “utter destruction.” Six tells people that their dwelling place is secure but they will soon be destroyed. Seven talks of more people being taken over.  Well Balaam’s messages have certainly taken a dark turn.

I am writing from the Mearhoff home in Santa Monica, CA. Numbers 23: Balaam, whose life is now changed, delivers his first message. The incredible part is not what he said, but the response by Balak (the king of the Moabites). “Balak said to Balaam, “What have you done to me? I brought you to curse my enemies, but you have done nothing but bless them!”” Balaam speaks a second message and says he has received a command to bless. Something interesting is happening here.

I am writing from the Mearhoff home in Santa Monica, CA. The journey of the Israelites continues! They scared the Moabites, since the Moabites saw there were tons of them and knew the story of how they slaughtered the Amorites.  The Moabites sent a messenger to try and put a curse on the Israelites, in hopes to weaken them. Well this messenger was told by God that the curse wasn’t going to happen and to go away.  So they sent more messengers.  God says these dudes can go but they have to listen to God. Well the original messenger, Balaam, headed on his way but his donkey kept getting stopped so he kept beating his donkey.  After the third beating, the donkey asked Balaam what he had done to deserve a beating.  The man and donkey continued to have a short conversation. Then an angel asked him why he’s beating the donkey. Well basically the angel ain’t happy and tells him to listen up.  So he’s now speaking on behalf of God. ...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 21: Well the Canaanite king of Arad heard that the Israelites were coming, so he attacked and captured some of them.  Then the Israelites made a deal with God, and I guess God doesn't like Canaanites, so the Israelites destroyed them all and their cities.  Neat. The Israelites continued on their journey, a special path to avoid Edom.  Remember that they can't go there.  They complained about no water and shitty food, wondering yet again why they were brought out of Egypt. God was annoyed because this complaining is, well, annoying.  So God sent some snakes to bite them, and some of them died.  There goes God killing people again lol.  Moses tells people to stop complaining and ask for the snakes to be taken away.  Then they do some weird magic stick with a bronze snake. The Israelites journey continues through a few different towns.  Then they sang a song about water in a town called...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 20: It looks like things actually happen in this chapter, so that is exciting. There's no water, and the people are yet again complaining to Aaron and Moses about how they would've rather just stayed in Egypt.  They do this a lot. God tells Moses to take a staff, smack it on a rock in front of everyone, and then water will come out of it. God also tells Moses and Aaron that because they didn't trust God enough, they will not be bringing them into the land given by God. Moses sends some messengers to say that God helped them out of Egypt, and to ask Edom if they can pass through his territory.  Edom declines and says if they try, they'll be attacked.  They tried to ask again, and Edom showed off his army so they retreated. As the Israelites got to the border of Edom (does this mean they are going to Edom?), God told Moses that Aaron was gonna die.  Well Aaron died and the people were sad for a month.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 19: This chapter includes more bizarre directions from God about what to do with a cow, and some stuff about being clean and unclean.  Same things we've seen before.  Not interesting.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 18: So basically Aaron and his family are responsible for anything crappy that priests do.  This position of priesthood is a gift from God.  Only Aaron and his fam are allowed around the altar in inside the curtain.  Anyone else who comes near the sanctuary is to be executed.  Well that escalated quickly. Next there's a big section about offerings.  Nothing very interesting, just business as usual.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 17: This chapter is short and bizarre. God tells Moses to get a staff from each Israelite leader.  God says the staff that sprouts will belong to the man that God chooses.  We are not really told what they are to be chosen for, but Aaron is among the twelve up for nomination. And wouldn't you know it, Aaron's staff grew almonds. God told Moses to put Aaron's almond staff in front of the ark so that the rebels would stop complaining. This chapter closes with the Israelites thinking they are going to die. Hmm.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 16: Well we got some people rising up against Moses and Aaron.  They ain't happy. Basically saying that they've gone too far, that everyone is holy; wondering why they have set themselves above the Lord's assembly.  Good question gents. Moses hears this and we are told he falls face down.  He tells them that in the morning God is gonna pick favorites, and then kinda shames them by saying, "well hasn't God done enough for you already?" Some of these dudes still aren't having it, so Moses gets pissed.  He tells God not to accept any offerings from them. So theses guys go to the tent of offering the next day, but God tells Moses and Aaron to separate from the heathens "so I can put an end to them at once."  #mercy #grace Moses and Aaron tried to convince God not to wipe these people out, but God says step out of the way. Moses says that if these dudes die a natural death, then it wasn...

I am writing from my couch in Seattle, WA. Numbers 15: If you like offerings, this is your chapter.  Also, if you work on the sabbath, the death penalty is acceptable.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 14: This chapter opens with the Israelites complaining to Moses and Aaron.  They are wondering why they weren't just left to die in Egypt, rather than come to Canaan and get slaughtered. At this point, the Israelites figured they should just choose a leader and head back to Egypt. Joshua told the people not to be afraid, that they would be victorious, because God is with them. The Israelites talked about stoning Moses and Aaron (and I guess Joshua too?), so God appeared at I guess everyone could see.  God is all pissed off and wondering how much more needs to be done to get these people to have faith, and says a plague will be thrown down if necessary. Moses again talks God out of genocide.  What a negotiator! Moses then talks to God in third person, reminding God that "he" is slow to anger, loving, and forgiving; yet in the same breath says that God punishes children for the sin of their parents to the third...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 13: God tells Moses to tell some dudes to explore Canaan, basically to scope it out. They came back to report that it was flowing with milk and honey.  I assume this is a metaphor, as this would require an absurd amount of bees and cows.  They also reported that the people who live there are powerful and the cities are large. Caleb pipes up and suggests they steal the land from people in Canaan; but the guys with him are scared of the strong dudes. I'm excited that things are actually happening again.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 12: This chapter is really short. Miriam and Aaron have beef with Moses because he has a Cushite wife.  I guess we don't like them? We are told Moses is the most humble man on earth. So God reminds them that Moses is great and gives Miriam leprosy. Moses tells God to heal Miriam, so she gets healed. That's about it. The moral is simple: Don't talk crap about people or maybe you'll get temporary leprosy.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 11: Things actually happen in this chapter, FINALLY. People were complaining about their hardships.  God heard them, so God got mad and burned some stuff. Then everyone is hungry and God gets mad.  Moses is asking God why this burden has been placed upon him.  For whatever reason, Moses feels responsible to everyone. Moses tells God, "if this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me." That is pretty raw. God tells Moses to bring seventy elders to the tent of meeting so this burden can be spread out.  God also says to tell the people that they will get meat and will eat it for a whole month until it comes out of their noses.  Hmm. Moses is obviously skeptical about delivering a month's worth of meet to six hundred thousand people.  In response, God just tells him to trust that promise. A bunch of quail appeared from the sea. God was mad (I think because they craved oth...

I am writing from planet Earth. Numbers 10: God tells Moses to make some trumpets and use them for various things. The cloud finally moved and the Israelites left Sinai. Then there's a bunch of names.  The father in law of Moses tried to dip out, but Moses talked him out of it. The cloud followed them around. Not a whole lot going on here.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 9: This chapter opens with God instructing when to celebrate Passover. Some people said they aren't clean because of a dead body, and then God says they can still celebrate but on a different day. Then a cloud covered the tabernacle, and the cloud looked like fire.  There is an entire paragraph about this cloud.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 8: God tells Moses to tell Aaron to set up some lamps. And then they make sure all the Levites are clean, but in great detail. Offerings, tent of meeting, bulls, etc.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 7: This chapter is LONG. Moses finishes a tabernacle.  Anoints, consecrates, offerings, tent of meeting, etc.  The usual suspects. THIS IS SO BORING. More offerings; one each day for twelve days, in detail.

I am writing from my hotel room in Denver, CO. Numbers 6: If you want to make a special vow, NO GRAPES. And no shaving your head. No going near dead bodies, even if its your family. Then some more boring rules. SNOOZE.

I am writing from my hotel room in Denver, CO. Numbers 5: This one opens with God telling Moses to send away all the sick people.  It doesn't say sick people, but I think that's what it means.  Quarantine so everyone doesn't get sick, I think. Then, if you do bad stuff, just make restitution for it. If your wife goes "astray," this is no good.  If she's sleeping around with other dudes, a curse will be put on her.  Nothing is said about these other dudes though, as if they are blameless. There's some more details about this imaginary curse.

I am writing from my hotel room in Denver, CO. Numbers 4: This chapter starts with God telling Moses and Aaron to take a census of the Kohathites; and that the Kohathites need to cover up a bunch of different stuff.  Basically the lamp stand, altar, etc etc - all the stuff from Exodus that we talked about nine billion times. Also count the Gershonites and the Merarites - and they'll do stuff with the tabernacle and tent of meeting too.  More of the same.  Nothing interesting. The chapter closes with the total number of these Levite clans.  I see why they call this Numbers.

I am writing from my hotel room in Denver, CO. Numbers 3: This chapter is about the family of Aaron and Moses.  God reminds them that all the first born belong to God.  And that anyone who approaches the sanctuary shall be put to death. There's a bunch of names (of family members) and a bunch of numbers (total amounts of various people groups). Woefully uninteresting.

I am writing from the Centurion Lounge at the Seattle airport. Numbers 2: This chapter is a list of camps, which tribe will there, and how many people.  It is extraordinarily uninteresting. Lots of... NUMBERS LOL.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Numbers 1: A new book of the Bible! This book opens with God telling Moses to take a census of the entire Israelite community. God gives a list of names who are going to help.  Moses, Aaron and these dudes counted a bunch of tribes and ended up with 603,550 people.  Though this didn't count the Levites, as they weren't supposed to be counted, but instead were appointed to be in charge of the tabernacle.  Not sure why this exempts them from being counted in the census. If anyone gets near the tabernacle, they are to be executed. Not a very exciting chapter.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Leviticus 27: The last chapter of Leviticus! This chapter opens with God telling Moses to tell the Israelites, "If anyone makes a special vow to dedicate a person to the Lord by giving the equivalent value of x." x equals various amounts here, and those amounts are always less for females, regardless of age. You can also dedicate an animal, house, family land or a field that is not part of the family land.  There's some boring rules that accompany this. You cannot dedicate a firstborn though, since that already belongs to the Lord. If someone is devoted to destruction, they cannot be ransomed, they must be put to death.  Which of course means whoever executes them has to be put to death, and so on, forever lol. This chapter closes with a reminder that a tenth of everything from the land belongs to the lord.  This is where "tithing" comes in. And that is the end of the Leviticus!  We've already knock...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Leviticus 26: No idols, observe the sabbath.  This part we knew. If you obey God, then you get some rain and all the best stuff and God has your back. Don't listen to God?  Well things won't go so well. God threatens to do the following: 1.  Sudden terror 2.  Wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and sap your strength 3.  Plant seeds that your enemies will eat 4.  Be defeated by your enemies 5.  Be ruled by people who hate you 6.  Flee when no one is pursuing you 7.  Be punished for your sins seven times over 8.  Break your stubborn pride 9.  Make the sky like iron and the ground like bronze 10.  Soil will not yield crops 11.  Trees will not yield fruit 12.  Multiply affliction seven times over 13.  Send wild animals that will take your children and destroy your cattle 14.  Be hostile toward you 15.  Bring the sword 1...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Leviticus 25: Read closely in passage for something remarkable. This chapter kicks off with a reminder to grow stuff for six years and then do nothing during the seventh year. Next, we have multiplication tables, trumpets and a party.  During this fiftieth party year, just don't do anything. If you sell or buy land, don't take advantage of people! Then God reminds everyone to obey the laws. Don't sell land permanently, because that is God's land, yo! There's some stuff about selling land that is frankly not interesting.  Blah blah more land stuff. BUT HERE IS SOMETHING TO REMEMBER.  HOLD UP. "If any of your fellow Israelites become poor and are unable to support themselves among you, help them as you would a foreigner and stranger, so they can continue to live among you." I LOVE THIS. Why? Because it operates under the assumption that CLEARLY we are supposed to help and support the foreign...