A 1189 Day Journey Through the Bible

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 30: David and his men (I guess he still has men even though he was fired) arrived at Ziklag to find that the Amalekites had raided and burned the town, and taken some women and children - including David’s wives. David and his men move along, in search of the men who sacked the city.  They find an Egyptian slave and bring him to David, where he admits to burning Ziklag.  David asks him to bring him to the raiding party, and the slave says as long as David doesn’t kill him or give him back to his master. David gets back all of the stuff from Ziklag, including his wives. David has six hundred men total, four hundred who went down with him and two hundred that stayed with the supplies.  Some of the bitter dudes didn’t want to share with the guys who watched the supplies, but David made sure they all were compensated equally. He also send the plunder out to a few other people that he liked. 

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 29: Okay so David has been on the side of the Philistines, but he’s an Israelite.  The powers that be aren’t thrilled with this, and tell Achish to essentially fire David.  So he does, reluctantly.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 28: The Philistines rallied their troops to fight against the Israelites, and Achish reminds David that he will be fighting for him.  David obliges. We are told that Saul has eliminated all of the mediums and spiritualists from the land.  Not exactly sure what that means in the historical context.  People who did magic I guess? The armies assemble and Saul is afraid of the Philistines.  He tried to talk to God, but was ignored.  So he asked people to find a woman medium for him.  Probably wishing he didn't remove all of them. He goes undercover to talk to the woman and asks her to help.  She is hesitant because she knows that Saul has wiped out all the mediums.  He assures her that she will not be harmed. So Saul tells her to bring Samuel back to life, so she does.  He comes up out of the ground.  Okay.  Oh and she finds out that it is Saul in disguise but she raises Sam...

I am writing from 10C on Alaska flight 745 from Atlanta to Seattle. 1 Samuel 27: David thinks to himself that Saul will kill him one day, and that he needs to retreat to where the Philistines are.  I guess Saul won’t look that far. Sure as shit, David went to Gath, Saul caught wind of this and gave up looking. David asks the king of Gath (Achish) if he can have some land in the country, rather than city center.  Achish obliged. David raided a few cities and killed all the people there.  And he took their livestock and clothes.  Classy.  He did this a lot. David was apparently obnoxious to the Israelites, so this helped Achish feel confident that he would remain a servant of Gath.

I am writing from 10C on Alaska flight 745 from Atlanta to Seattle. 1 Samuel 26: Saul takes three thousand troops on goes on the hunt for David. David gets wind of this, so him and Abishai sneak down to the camp where Saul is while he’s asleep. Abishai asks David if he can off Saul.  David doesn’t let that happen, basically because Saul is announced by God, but they do steal some water and Saul’s spear. Apparently no one woke up because God put them in a deep sleep lol okay. Then David tries to pull a fast one on Abner, who apparently was supposed to be making sure no one messed with Saul.  So David says he and his men must die since they didn’t protect Saul, pointing out that his water and spear are gone.  Smooth. Saul tells David he won’t try to harm him again.  Then David gives Saul the “king’s spear.”   So is this Saul’s spear? David tells Saul that he could’ve killed him but chose not too.  So this was a power m...

I am writing from Laura’s parents’ home in Mobile, AL. 1 Samuel 25: Well, Samuel died. David comes upon this wealthy man named Nabal who had a hot and smart wife named Abigail.  Nabal isn’t down to help out David’s crew with supplies, so they tell Abigail. She decided to help. She later told Nabal and he had what appears to be a heart attack, then God killed him ten days later. Then David married Abigail and some other chick.

I am writing from Laura’s parents’ home in Mobile, AL. 1 Samuel 24: Saul takes three thousand men and sets out to find David. Why is Saul so pissed at David anyway?  Is this even justified? Saul goes into a cave to use the bathroom and for some reason David is there, and David cuts off part of Saul’s robe. David felt really bad about this, and therefore did not attack Saul.  Then David greeted Saul outside of the cave and reminded him that he is the king and that he will not harm him.  It was a lengthy speech. Saul wept when he realized David was there.  And promised Saul wouldn’t kill his descendants.

I am writing from Laura’s parents’ home in Mobile, AL. 1 Samuel 23: This one starts with the Philistines fighting against the people of Keilah.  David is wondering if he should go help Keilah, and God tells him to.  His people are afraid, he asks again, God confirms.  As we’ve seen before, God has his back and he does some damage to the Philistines. Saul hears of this and plots against David.  Saul searched for David, and with God’s help of hiding, Saul couldn’t find him. Jonathan goes out to David and comforts him, reminding him that he will soon be king.  It says the two of them made a covenant before the lord.  I swear it seems like they are dating, perhaps this was a marriage?? Then Saul searched for David. Saul gets distracted because a messenger said that the Philistines are raiding the land.

I am writing from my parents’ home in Ellijay, GA. 1 Samuel 22: David escapes Gath and then a prophet named Gad tells him to go to the land of Judah. Then a guy basically recaps for Saul what just happened with David over the last few chapters, and tattles on Ahimelek. Saul is less than thrilled so he has Ahimelek and a bunch of others killed.  And also kills everyone in the town of Nob, including infants. One of Ahimelek’s sons (Abiathar) escaped and told David that Saul went on a murderous rampage of the priests. David tells Abiathar to stay with him and not to be afraid, as he will be safe. 

I am writing from my parents’ home in Ellijay, GA. 1 Samuel 21: David goes to a place called Nob to meet with a priest called Ahimelek.  He gets some bread and a sword. Then he goes to a place called Gath and met with a king called Achish.  He was afraid of this king, so he acted weird and drooled.

I am writing from my Airbnb in Greenville, SC. 1 Samuel 20: David is asking Jonathan why his dad wants to kill him.  Jonathan says everything is fine, and that his dad doesn’t do anything without talking to him first.  Odd but okay.  Jonathan tells David he will do whatever David needs him to do. Then they talk a bit about why Jonathan’s father does or does not want to kill David.  And then some things they will do to show whether or not David is safe.  It’s a bit redundant. Jonathan tells Saul that David wants to go to Bethlehem and Saul is mad.  And basically wants to kill David.  Again, not terribly clear why; appears to just be looking for a reason. Then Jonathan does all the signals to let David know that his dad indeed intends to kill him. Then they kissed each other and cried together.  I think they might be interested in each other. 

I am writing from my parents’ house in Ellijay, GA. 1 Samuel 19: This one opens with Saul telling his son Jonathan and all of the attendants to kill David.  That escalated quickly.  Since Jonathan liked David, he gave him a heads up.  He also tries to talk Saul out or killing David, reminding him that David has helped him and has not wronged him. Saul was quickly convinced and swore not to kill David.  After all that? Jonathan brings David and Saul together and everything is fine. War happened again and David led the way, scaring off the Philistines again. Another evil spirit came to Saul, so David played the lyre as usual.  Possessed Saul tried to kill him but he got away.  Then Saul sent some people to David’s house to kill him.  I guess the promise of not killing David only counted for non-possessed Saul? This closes kinda weird.  Saul tried to kill him again and David fled.  Then he runs into people prophe...

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 18: So Jonathan became David’s number one advocate and friend.  Jonathan, because he was super into David, gave him a bunch of his stuff.  Weapons and clothes and whatnot.  They may have been dating but I’m not sure. Then Saul put David in charge of military stuff. So David gets home after killing Goliath and the ladies are singing songs about Saul and David.  They sing that David kills by the ten thousand and Saul only by the thousand.   Saul was super butthurt.  Saul was afraid of David since the lord was with David, but had left Saul.  Remember that Saul has those evil spirits that David has to play away with the lyre.   Saul tried to give one of his daughters to David as a wife, he declines.  Sail tries again and David declines again, saying that being the son of law of a king is too much as he’s only just a regular dude. Saul wants David to get a bunch of foreskin...

I am writing from seat 1F on Alaska flight 303 from San Francisco to Seattle. 1 Samuel 17: I bet you’ve heard this one before. The Israelites are about to go to battle against the Philistines. A large warrior for the Philistines showed up, he was nine feet tall and his name was Goliath.  He had a bunch of armor too.  Goliath tells the Israelites to send someone to fight him, in a battle to the death.  The loser’s people become subjects of the winner’s people. Saul and all of the Israelites were terrified right away. Goliath did this for forty days, looking for a challenger.  Jesse tells David (remember, his youngest son), to bring some food to his brothers in the camp, who are already engaged in this war.  Though David is not, he is still tending to the sheep. Early one morning, David passes his duties off to a shepherd and heads out.  David got there as they were going out to battle, and he ran up to the battle lines and as...

I am writing from Eureka, CA. 1 Samuel 16: God asks Samuel how long he's going to mourn for Saul, and then has Samuel go anoint a new king.  This new king will be one of Jesse's sons.  When Samuel gets there, he sees one of Jesse's sons who he thinks is sure to be the one.  God reminds him: “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The  Lord  does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance,  but the  Lord  looks at the heart.” This is such a great reminder.  Think about this and let it sink in a bit.  What does that mean to you? All of the sons are passed by and there is one left; the youngest, who is tending to the sheep.  They brought him inside and God told Samuel that he is the one.  His name is David. At this point, we are told that the spirit of God has left Saul, but that an evil spirit from God is now occupying Saul.  Saul's attendants thin...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 15: Samuel tells Saul to attack the Amalekites, making sure to kill everyone, even infants. So Saul killed almost all of the Amalekites, but kept some livestock and allowed the king (Agag) to live.  Basically, they only killed what they despised and what was weak. Samuel was pissed and regretted that he made Saul king; so he questions him.  Saul doesn't think he did anything wrong.  Samuel tells him that God has rejected him as king.  Saul is apologetic and says he was afraid of the men and gave into them.  Now we've got to the root of this issue.  Fear. Samuel is unwilling to budge as God as already rejected Saul as king.  Saul begs Samuel to come back with him, so he does.  Saul brings Agag to Samuel, and Samuel puts him to death. This chapter closes with the reader being told that Samuel did not go see Saul again for the rest of his life, though he did mourn for him.

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 14: And now we’ve come to the story about the armor bearer. Jonathan, the son of Saul, decides to step into a situation where he needs God to show up.  He says to his armor bearer, “Come, let’s go... Perhaps the lord will act in our behalf.” He’s planning to attack the Philistines.  This is a battle he cannot win without help. In the first attack, Jonathan and his armor bearer kill about twenty men.  The Israelites are taking out the Philistines and evidently confuse them so much that the Philistines are killing each other. Then Saul says no one can eat before the evening, for what appears to be no good reason. There was some honey in the forest and no one ate it, since they heard about the prohibition; but Jonathan went to eat some and the people warned him.  He didn’t care, saying that his pops has brought trouble upon the land. Then Saul and some other dude are bickering about n...

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 13: So Saul chooses a bunch of dudes to help him fight the Philistines.  Saul's troops were scared, and then began to leave.  Basically, they didn't trust God would bail them out.  Samuel wasn't terribly fond of this. Israel ends up with no weapons, except for Saul and Jonathan, who have some swords.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 12: Samuel is old now and is giving his farewell speech.  He says if he's done anything wrong (stolen from, oppressed, defrauded) to anyone, he's prepared to make it right.  I can respect that. The people remind him that he's all squared up. Samuel gives a bit of the recap story, starting with the Israelites being freed from slavery in Egypt.  Basically, reminding people that God has continually bailed them out, even when they very frequently chose a destructive path. He closes up the chapter by reminding the people not to be afraid and not to chase after that which is empty. Off topic:  There has been absolutely no mention of what can be perceived to be an afterlife yet.  Interesting.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 11: So there's this guy named Nahesh, king of the Ammonites.  He sucks and he's trying to bully the people of Jabesh.  He wants to gouge their eyes out.  Saul gets wind of this so he cuts up so oxen and sends it around, as a bit of a threat to the Ammonites.  Then he and his people slaughter a bunch of Ammonites, and Saul is confirmed as king. A great celebration was at hand.  Sucks for the Ammonites though.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 10: Samuel pours some oil on Saul's head, anointing him as king.  He tells him some things that will happen, and then they happen, confirming the predictions. Most people are pretty excited and they bring gifts, though there's some butthurt people who are skeptical and don't bring gifts.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 9: This chapters kicks off with the introduction of a very tall and very handsome Benjaminite character named Saul. Saul and his servant set off to look for some donkeys that Saul's dad lost, and they end up in a town looking for a "man of God."  Turns out, God told Samuel the day before that a hot young man will roll up and that Samuel needs to anoint him as ruler of Israel. They end up meeting each other and had dinner together.  The next morning, Samuel tells the servant to go ahead, because Samuel has a message for Saul.

I am writing from a beautiful home in Jackson, MI. So bbasically Samuel is old and his sons don't really listen so the people of Israel are asking for a new kind, except with more detail.

I am writing from my hotel room in Chicago, IL. So basically the Israelites gave up their foreign gods and turned back to the Lord, and everything was pretty good for them.  And they waged war against the Philistines, but that’s okay because God is on their side. 

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 6: So the Philistines are trying to figure out how to get rid of the ark, for obvious reasons.  They asked what to do and the priests tell them to return it to Israel and to send a gift with it.  This came in the form of gold rats with gold tumors on a long journey. They get to the land of Beth Shemesh.  Some people there looked at the ark so God killed seventy of them.  Presumably for sport. Then some people sent messengers saying that the Philistines have returned the ark.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 5: We pick up where the last chapter left off, with the Philistines taking the stolen ark and bringing it to Dagon's temple in a place called Ashdod.  Dagon fell face down on the ground because it was the ark.  I guess it is remarkable.  Anyway, morning rolls around and they find that Dagon's head and hands had fallen off.  So yeah he died. God gave the people of Ashdod tumors.  They didn't like this, so they moved the ark to a place called Gath.  God gave those people tumors too, so they moved it to a place called Ekron. As you could imagine, the people of Ekron weren't thrilled about their new addition.  God killed some of those people, and then gave tumors to the survivors. Hmm. Okay then.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 4: This chapter didn't go quite as the Israelites planned. It starts out with the Israelites going to battle against the Philistines.  The Philistines win and kill about four thousand Israelites. So the Israelites think that they should go get the ark and bring it to battle, since God will be with them.  So they do that, and they are defeated again.  This time, thirty thousand get killed, including Eli's two sons.  Adding insult to injury, the Philistines capture the ark. Someone flees to tell Eli what happened and that the ark had been captured.  He fell out of his chair and broke his neck and died. Eli's daughter-in-law heard about this mess and gave birth to a boy right away.  Convenient lol. She named him Ichabod, which means 'no glory,' and this was because the glory of God was gone as the ark was stolen. Dark days for the Israelites.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 3: This chapter is pretty short.  God calls upon Samuel once and then twice, but both times he thinks it is Eli and Eli tells him to go back to bed.  A third calling and Eli realizes it is God this time, so he tells Samuel to listen. So God tells Samuel that God is going to lay waste to Eli and his fam.  Samuel tells Eli and Eli doesn't seem terribly concerned.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 2: This chapter opens with a prayer from Hannah, basically just showing gratitude for what she has. Then we are told that Eli's sons are crappy, but Samuel is awesome. We end with God being angry at Eli, reminding Eli of some unfavorable things that will go down.

I am writing from my bed in Seattle, WA. 1 Samuel 1: New book! So this one is pretty simple.  There’s a woman named Hannah married to a guy named Elkanah.  He’s also married to Peninnah, but she’s not so pleasant.  She makes fun of Hannah because Hannah doesn’t have children and she does.   Stand up gal. Anyway, Hannah goes out to pray for a child, and then she has one with Elkanah and we get the namesake of this book — Samuel!