April 2, 2019 - Day 359 - 1 Chronicles 21

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA.

1 Chronicles 21:

This chapter starts by saying that Satan rose up against Israel.  Interestingly, this is the first mention of Satan in the bible (recall that we are 359 chapters in), and without any explanation of what Satan means.  Sure, you think you know what it means because of what you've been told, but if we just read it here, there's no context.

Anyway.  David counts a bunch of people, which turned out to be over a million.  He forgot to count some so God was super pissed and let David choose a punishment.  Since he thought God was merciful, he chose the one where God got to decide, so God killed seventy thousand people with a plague.  Then God sent an angel to kill Jerusalem with a big sword but I guess God changed "his" mind last minute, then stopped the angel.

People like to think that the God of the bible is confused or some shit.  Wrong.  How plainly obvious is it that this crap is written by people who have no idea what is going on?  Sure there's insight here and there, and some truth buried in this stuff, but this is a great example of where taking the Bible literally is insanity.

David does some sacrifices and it seems to have cooled God off.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

May 8, 2018 - Day 30 - Genesis 30

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Genesis 30: So Rachel ain't happy yo; as you could imagine.  She ain't having any kids (and that is how you measure a woman's value), but sis is. She gets all mad and tells Jacob to give her children or she will die.  Jacob gets a bit defensive.  Rachel presents a servant for Jacob that he can impregnate on her behalf.  (not really the same thing ya know, but I guess this can fly) This servant (Bilhah) gets pregnant (and gets to be a wife in the process -- does 'wife' even mean anything??) and gives birth to a son.  Rachel is legit happy about this.  Imagine this happening in modern times lol. So this new dude is named Dan. This servant is fertile yo, and blasts out another one; this dude is Zapthali.  Rachel is going on about how she had a struggle with her sister, and actually Zaphtahil means 'my struggle.' This reminds me of Pulp Fiction.  Bruce Willis' character says, "I'm an American, ...
Read more

March 3, 2019 - Day 329 - 2 Kings 16

I am writing from my hotel in Graz, Austria. 2 Kings 16: This chapter is about Ahaz, the king of Judah at this time. He did a bunch of dumb stuff, including offering his son as sacrifice, which God frowned upon. At one point, Aram and Israel tried to fight against Ahaz, but weren't able to overtake him. Ahaz did reach out to the king of Assyria for help, and complied by taking Damascus. Ahaz saw an altar he really liked in Damascus, so he had one built.  Then he died, and his son Hezekiah took over. And that is about it for this chapter.
Read more

October 1, 2018 - Day 176 - Deuteronomy 23

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Deuteronomy 23: We've made it, friends.  The wet dream chapter. This has a rough start for the castrated.  No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.  Well that doesn't seem fair lol. Also, no foreign relatives if you want to enter assembly of the Lord.  Gotta keep that incest going!! But if you're third generation or more Egyptian then its okay. OH HERE'S THE FUN PART. If you have a wet dream then you have to stay outside of the camp until evening; and you better wash yourself before you come back. And when you poop outside, you have to dig a hole and cover that shit up! We close with a few random laws. If a slave comes to you, don't return them to their master, let them live wherever they want and don't oppress them. Don't pay any vows to God with prostitution money. Don't charge a fellow Israelite interest, but you can charge a foreigner i...
Read more