December 17, 2018 - Day 253 - 1 Samuel 17

I am writing from seat 1F on Alaska flight 303 from San Francisco to Seattle.

1 Samuel 17:

I bet you’ve heard this one before.

The Israelites are about to go to battle against the Philistines.

A large warrior for the Philistines showed up, he was nine feet tall and his name was Goliath.  He had a bunch of armor too.  Goliath tells the Israelites to send someone to fight him, in a battle to the death.  The loser’s people become subjects of the winner’s people.

Saul and all of the Israelites were terrified right away.

Goliath did this for forty days, looking for a challenger. 

Jesse tells David (remember, his youngest son), to bring some food to his brothers in the camp, who are already engaged in this war.  Though David is not, he is still tending to the sheep.

Early one morning, David passes his duties off to a shepherd and heads out.  David got there as they were going out to battle, and he ran up to the battle lines and asked his brothers how they were doing.

Casual.

Goliath comes out and does his usual rant, this time David hears it.  The Israelites fled in fear.  David’s older brother is butthurt when he hears David talking to the other dudes, thinking he only came there to watch the fight.

David volunteers as tribute.  Saul tried to tell him not to, that he isn’t able.  But David reminds Saul that God is with him, as God has been with him in the past.

So Saul says “go, and the Lord will be with you.”

Saul fixes him with some armor, but because he’s not used to it, he just takes it off. 

So, David shows up with nothing more than a slingshot.  Goliath thinks he’s nuts.  And David utters this:

“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty...”

David calls his shot, telling Goliath that he will strike him down and cut off his head.

David fired off a rock with his slingshot that nailed Goliath right in the forehead.  It must’ve been moving at a bullet-like speed because it sank into Goliath’s forehead and he fell down, and died.

As promised, David cut off Goliath’s head. 

At this point, the Philistines high tailed it out of there.


We conclude this chapter with David revealing to Saul that he is the son of Jesse.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

May 8, 2018 - Day 30 - Genesis 30

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Genesis 30: So Rachel ain't happy yo; as you could imagine.  She ain't having any kids (and that is how you measure a woman's value), but sis is. She gets all mad and tells Jacob to give her children or she will die.  Jacob gets a bit defensive.  Rachel presents a servant for Jacob that he can impregnate on her behalf.  (not really the same thing ya know, but I guess this can fly) This servant (Bilhah) gets pregnant (and gets to be a wife in the process -- does 'wife' even mean anything??) and gives birth to a son.  Rachel is legit happy about this.  Imagine this happening in modern times lol. So this new dude is named Dan. This servant is fertile yo, and blasts out another one; this dude is Zapthali.  Rachel is going on about how she had a struggle with her sister, and actually Zaphtahil means 'my struggle.' This reminds me of Pulp Fiction.  Bruce Willis' character says, "I'm an American, ...
Read more

March 3, 2019 - Day 329 - 2 Kings 16

I am writing from my hotel in Graz, Austria. 2 Kings 16: This chapter is about Ahaz, the king of Judah at this time. He did a bunch of dumb stuff, including offering his son as sacrifice, which God frowned upon. At one point, Aram and Israel tried to fight against Ahaz, but weren't able to overtake him. Ahaz did reach out to the king of Assyria for help, and complied by taking Damascus. Ahaz saw an altar he really liked in Damascus, so he had one built.  Then he died, and his son Hezekiah took over. And that is about it for this chapter.
Read more

October 1, 2018 - Day 176 - Deuteronomy 23

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. Deuteronomy 23: We've made it, friends.  The wet dream chapter. This has a rough start for the castrated.  No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.  Well that doesn't seem fair lol. Also, no foreign relatives if you want to enter assembly of the Lord.  Gotta keep that incest going!! But if you're third generation or more Egyptian then its okay. OH HERE'S THE FUN PART. If you have a wet dream then you have to stay outside of the camp until evening; and you better wash yourself before you come back. And when you poop outside, you have to dig a hole and cover that shit up! We close with a few random laws. If a slave comes to you, don't return them to their master, let them live wherever they want and don't oppress them. Don't pay any vows to God with prostitution money. Don't charge a fellow Israelite interest, but you can charge a foreigner i...
Read more