June 9, 2018 - Day 62 - Exodus 12
Today I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA.
Exodus 12:
We open this one with some weird ass directions.
God tells Aaron and Moses that this month (whatever month it was, we are not told - did they even know what a month was?) was the first month of the year. On the tenth day of the month, everyone takes a year old male lamb (from the sheep or goats), takes care of them until the fourteenth, and then slaughters them at twilight. Y'all hearing this nonsense?
It gets weirder. You gotta take some of the blood and put it on your door frame. Sounds reasonable.
It goes on. Make sure that you roast the meat with some bitter herbs, but be sure to make the bread without yeast. Very important! REMEMBER, the meat MUST be roasted over the fire; no eating raw meat or boiling it. But DO NOT leave it until morning, because then you'll have to burn it.
Be sure that your cloak is tucked in, your sandals are on and your staff is in your hand. Then you can eat. These are the rules for Passover. Anybody be following these? Why not? Its pretty direct from God.
God reminds us of the upcoming wrath on the firstborns; that the blood on the doorframe will allow God to skip those houses. Well God skipped the Israelites houses before on the plagues; why need a sign now?
God says to celebrate this day, and for seven days, not to eat bread with yeast in it. WHO GIVES A SHIT. Seriously? Why would something so insanely stupid matter to the creator of the universe? Probably because it doesn't matter.
Oh and God says if anyone eats anything with yeast in it during the seven arbitrary days, they'll be cut off from Israel. Sounds like reasonable punishment for eating some fungus. NOT.
People can't work during this week either, unless they are cooking.
God reminds us that for absolutely no reason, these people must eat unleavened bread.
Moses tells the elders to pick out the animals and slaughter the Passover lamb. Oh and do the bloody doorframe stuff too.
Fun Fact: Passover gets its name because God passed over the bloody houses when going on the infanticide mission.
At the stroke of midnight, God killed all the firstborn.
Let me repeat that. At the stroke of midnight, God killed all the firstborn.
How does that make you feel? Do you just pretend like this isn't in the Bible? Well it is.
Do you think God murders people that aren't the chosen people? That sure sucks to be born on the wrong side of the tracks then doesn't it.
What does all this mean?
Digressing back to the chapter...
Pharaoh is freaked out and finally lets the people go. I guess dead babies did the trick.
We are told that 600,000 people jetted out of Egypt, and that they lived there for 430 years. Big issue here: There's absolutely no archaeological evidence of a mass exodus from Egypt moving north. That's a lot of people. And with no trace? Hmm.
We close the chapter with God telling Moses and Adam some nonsensical rules about a Passover meal. No foreigners can eat.
This must be where people got the idea to be afraid of people who don't look like them. If only we had a new teacher come along to deliver a different message...
If a slave wants to eat, you need to chop his foreskin first.
No temporary residents or hired workers are allowed to eat.
Must be eaten inside.
No breaking the bones.
The entire community of Israelites must celebrate.
If a foreigner wants to celebrate this, he must circumcise all the dudes in the house.
But I thought foreigners couldn't eat? It definitely says so in verse 43, yet says they can eat in verse 48.
So which one is it?
On this day, God brought the Israelites out of Egypt.
Exodus 12:
We open this one with some weird ass directions.
God tells Aaron and Moses that this month (whatever month it was, we are not told - did they even know what a month was?) was the first month of the year. On the tenth day of the month, everyone takes a year old male lamb (from the sheep or goats), takes care of them until the fourteenth, and then slaughters them at twilight. Y'all hearing this nonsense?
It gets weirder. You gotta take some of the blood and put it on your door frame. Sounds reasonable.
It goes on. Make sure that you roast the meat with some bitter herbs, but be sure to make the bread without yeast. Very important! REMEMBER, the meat MUST be roasted over the fire; no eating raw meat or boiling it. But DO NOT leave it until morning, because then you'll have to burn it.
Be sure that your cloak is tucked in, your sandals are on and your staff is in your hand. Then you can eat. These are the rules for Passover. Anybody be following these? Why not? Its pretty direct from God.
God reminds us of the upcoming wrath on the firstborns; that the blood on the doorframe will allow God to skip those houses. Well God skipped the Israelites houses before on the plagues; why need a sign now?
God says to celebrate this day, and for seven days, not to eat bread with yeast in it. WHO GIVES A SHIT. Seriously? Why would something so insanely stupid matter to the creator of the universe? Probably because it doesn't matter.
Oh and God says if anyone eats anything with yeast in it during the seven arbitrary days, they'll be cut off from Israel. Sounds like reasonable punishment for eating some fungus. NOT.
People can't work during this week either, unless they are cooking.
God reminds us that for absolutely no reason, these people must eat unleavened bread.
Moses tells the elders to pick out the animals and slaughter the Passover lamb. Oh and do the bloody doorframe stuff too.
Fun Fact: Passover gets its name because God passed over the bloody houses when going on the infanticide mission.
At the stroke of midnight, God killed all the firstborn.
Let me repeat that. At the stroke of midnight, God killed all the firstborn.
How does that make you feel? Do you just pretend like this isn't in the Bible? Well it is.
Do you think God murders people that aren't the chosen people? That sure sucks to be born on the wrong side of the tracks then doesn't it.
What does all this mean?
Digressing back to the chapter...
Pharaoh is freaked out and finally lets the people go. I guess dead babies did the trick.
We are told that 600,000 people jetted out of Egypt, and that they lived there for 430 years. Big issue here: There's absolutely no archaeological evidence of a mass exodus from Egypt moving north. That's a lot of people. And with no trace? Hmm.
We close the chapter with God telling Moses and Adam some nonsensical rules about a Passover meal. No foreigners can eat.
This must be where people got the idea to be afraid of people who don't look like them. If only we had a new teacher come along to deliver a different message...
If a slave wants to eat, you need to chop his foreskin first.
No temporary residents or hired workers are allowed to eat.
Must be eaten inside.
No breaking the bones.
The entire community of Israelites must celebrate.
If a foreigner wants to celebrate this, he must circumcise all the dudes in the house.
But I thought foreigners couldn't eat? It definitely says so in verse 43, yet says they can eat in verse 48.
So which one is it?
On this day, God brought the Israelites out of Egypt.
Comments
Post a Comment