A 1189 Day Journey Through the Bible

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 18: So a bunch of dudes are sitting around prophesying, which means they are just saying what they think God is saying to them.  Think about all the Christian guys who tell girls that God told him to marry her.  I have a hard time believing in the reliability of these "prophets," but we will go with it. Micaiah does the main prophesying here.  The king of Israel (Ahab) doesn't like him because Micaiah always says bad things will happen, but they ask him anyway.  So basically he says Israel is screwed.  Then a guy slaps him in the face and they send him away to jail. Well wouldn't ya know it, Ahab enters battle in disguise and gets shot by an arrow anyway.  He died the next morning.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 17: Jehoshaphat takes over as king and God really likes him.  The other areas are afraid of him, so they don't go to war.  They bring him a bunch of stuff and became more and more powerful.  And a ton of people were ready to fight for him.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 16: Asa makes a treaty with Ben-Hadad.  And in Asa's older years, a seer comes to him and tells him that he hasn't been following God right or something.  Asa gets mad and puts him in jail; also he brutally oppressed some people.  Then he got a foot disease and didn't ask God for help and he died.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 15: Well Esa seems like an okay guy at first, but this chapter suggests otherwise.  A prophet tells Asa that as long as he's all about God, then he's good.  But if he forsakes God, well then he will be shit on. So everyone is having a great time and doing sacrifices and all that, but those who aren't following God were executed.  Death penalty for the non religious.  It is wild that a few countries still do that today.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 14: Abijah died and Asa takes over as king of Judah.  He follows God well.  Either these kings do or they don't, this one did.  The most interesting part of this chapter is what he says before a great battle, Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty."

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 13: Abijah takes over as king and there's a war between him and Jeroboam.  Now don't get confused.  Rehoboam is Abijah's father, Jeroboam is another dude.  Jeroboam lost power during Abijah's reign, and then God killed Jeroboam. Oh and Abijah had sixteen wives.  Casual.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 12: So Rehoboam and his peeps decided to turn away from God once they had their city established.  God didn't like this so Shishak King of Egypt attacked.  Though because Rehoboam humbled himself, he wasn't totally destroyed.  Just medium destroyed I think.  He dies at the end of the chapter.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 11: Rehoboam gets to Jerusalem and gets almost two hundred thousand homies to go to war against Israel.  Some dude told Rehoboam that God said not to do that, so they backed off. Rehoboam helped build up some cities and was a big ho.  He had eighteen wives and sixty concubines.  You know, a traditional biblical marriage!  Oh and he had eighty eight kids.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 10: Basically all of Israel goes to Rheoboam and asks him to lighten the heavy load that his father put on them.  The elders tell him to do so, but he refuses and tells them that he's going to make it even worse.  What a guy! Israel then decided to rebel against him.  I'm curious to see how this one goes.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 9: Queen Sheba came to visit Solomon and asked him a bunch of questions.  He was able to answer all of her questions and she was super impressed so she gave him some stuff.  He gave her some stuff too and she left. There's a bit more about how Solomon is wealthy and awesome.  Then he died.  His son Rheoboam takes over. Note that we are a year into the Bible and still no mention of afterlife.  Imagine that.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 8: Solomon does a bit of rebuilding in this chapter.  He also made some people into slaves.  Oh and some burnt offerings!  Not too much going on.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 7: So then the temple was dedicated as the fire from heaven gobbled up the offerings and all that noise.  Then some people had some more sacrifices, per usual. God then appears to Solomon and says if he's a good boy, everything will be fine; but if he's a bad boy, then the shit goes down.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 6: So God says (via Solomon) that since the people had been freed from Egypt, that have not been given a home, but now that home is Jerusalem, and now their ruler is David. Then Solomon does a pretty long dedication prayer for the temple that you can read if you want.  It is pretty standard for what it is.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 5: Now that the temple is finished, the Levites bring the ark to the temple.  Once it arrives, there is a big celebration.  We are told that they sang, "he is good; his love endures forever." Did you know that believing God is inherently loving is actually good for your brain? Conversely, if you believe God is inherently judgmental or condemning, this is actually bad for your brain. Fun facts that are indeed supported by science. If you'd like to read more, check out "How God Changes Your Brain" by Dr. Andrew Newburg.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 4: This chapter is very interior design heavy.  Definitely HGTV material.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 3: Solomon begins to build the temple.  There are details about size and interior design.  Bobby from Queer Eye would be really into this chapter.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 2: In this chapter, Solomon prepares to build a temple.  He calls upon thousands of dudes and they help. A lot of skilled positions are listed.  This chapter is a bit like a job posting.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 2 Chronicles 1: A new book! In this chapter, Solomon asks God for wisdom.  Because Solomon didn't ask to be rich, God gives him wisdom, and makes him rich. Moral of the story:  Ask to be rich and get nothing.  Ask for wisdom and get wisdom; and maybe an overflowing bank account.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 29: Well this is pretty cool.  This chapter is about David giving all of his resources to help build the temple.  Leaders, officers, commanders, officials, and everyone else chips in to make sure that the temple gets built. This is a pretty cool parallel because Mosaic is raising money right now to buy the building they currently rent.  Just like in this chapter, everyone has to rally together to make this happen. David goes into a prayer, and well you should just read this chapter. Solomon is acknowledged as king, and then David dies.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 28: WOW!  A bit of plot in Chronicles in this chapter.  Few and far between lol. This chapter is essentially David passing the torch to his son Solomon.  Because David has killed people, he can't build a temple so he gives all the plans to Solomon.  He also reminds him to be courageous and not to be afraid.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A YEAR. 1 Chronicles 27: This chapter is a list of tribe leaders and military officials and people in charge of rather mundane stuff like olive oil.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 26: A BIG LIST OF DUDES.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 25: And this one is a list of musicians, that is it.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 24: Genealogy and a bit of bookkeeping.  Non existent on content.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 23: David got old and made his son Solomon the king.  Most of the chapter describes how a bunch of people were organized and some genealogy, not very interesting.  The Levites were to help Aaron's descendants.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 22: Not much happens in this chapter.  David rallies the troops to build a temple, and yet another reminder to not be afraid or discouraged.  We have seen many reminders of this type.

I am writing from my desk in Seattle, WA. 1 Chronicles 21: This chapter starts by saying that Satan rose up against Israel.  Interestingly, this is the first mention of Satan in the bible (recall that we are 359 chapters in), and without any explanation of what Satan means.  Sure, you think you know what it means because of what you've been told, but if we just read it here, there's no context. Anyway.  David counts a bunch of people, which turned out to be over a million.  He forgot to count some so God was super pissed and let David choose a punishment.  Since he thought God was merciful, he chose the one where God got to decide, so God killed seventy thousand people with a plague.  Then God sent an angel to kill Jerusalem with a big sword but I guess God changed "his" mind last minute, then stopped the angel. People like to think that the God of the bible is confused or some shit.  Wrong.  How plainly obvious is it that this crap is wri...

I am writing from my hotel in San Francisco, CA. 1 Chronicles 20: Joab destroyed a town called Rabbah (Ammonite town it seems) and David took the king's crown.  They made the people there into slaves too. This chapter ends with non descriptive battles with the Philistines and how David killed them too. So basically David is this great warrior who slaughters by the thousands.

I am writing from my hotel in San Francisco, CA. 1 Chronicles 19: There's a lot of different groups and tribes in this chapter, so it is hard to follow; but essentially David ends up in a battle against the Ammonites, and kills almost forty thousand of them.

I am writing from my hotel in San Francisco, CA. 1 Chronicles 18: This chapter is basically just a list of people that David murdered.  It also tells us some of his employees.

I am writing from my hotel in San Francisco, CA. 1 Chronicles 17: This chapter starts off with a promise to David (from God via Nathan) that is interesting.  David has basically been a nomad up to this point, but is being told that a house will be built for him.  God (via Nathan) also says that a throne will be established forever for one of David's sons (or perhaps ancestors).  We aren't given too much detail here. This chapter closes with a prayer from David about how God is all that.

I am writing from my hotel in San Francisco, CA. 1 Chronicles 16: This chapter is an ark party.  They do some sacrifices and then a bit of ministering, and then there's a big speech about how God is cool.  It is pretty standard to what we've seen before.